How do I go about asking for a higher hourly wage when offered a job?

2021.10.18 15:15 AsianHawke How do I go about asking for a higher hourly wage when offered a job?

I recently interviewed and, to my surprise, I was offered the position of Engineer Technician. It pays $20. Personally, I was expecting it more to be around $25. How do I go about inquiring, professionally, about meeting closer to $25 an hour? Without them just kiboshing the offer altogether?
This is my first dive into the professional world. I've only ever worked low tier manufacturing prior to this, but I have extensive experience with engineers.
I could use your advice. Thanks.
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2021.10.18 15:15 tactical_grizzly Convoy 4X18A SBT now available in Blue, Orange, and Red body colors

Convoy 4X18A SBT now available in Blue, Orange, and Red body colors submitted by tactical_grizzly to flashlight [link] [comments]


2021.10.18 15:15 R1chie1974 Good luck Monday

Good morning everyone. Wishing everyone good luck out there today. Stay safe and make that Monday money 💰 🤑 💸 🙏 new week new 💰 🤑 💸 💲
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2021.10.18 15:15 Nutmeg-an "Fun" Exercise Activities?

I'm looking to finally try and get more physically fit, but my problem is finding an activity or exercise that I like and want to continue to do. Walking, jogging, and calisthenics get boring after a few times and I want to enjoy my time getting active.
I'd like to know if there are groups, gyms, or places dedicated to the more fun side of exercise that people recommend that are also welcoming of newcomers and people who might not be in the best of shape. The ones off the top of my mind are boxing, martial arts, kayaking, ultimate frisby, swimming, and zumba (or zumba-like stuff). If anyone else has any other suggestions on things that worked for you, I would love to hear it as well.
submitted by Nutmeg-an to pittsburgh [link] [comments]


2021.10.18 15:15 bennetticles Was out of town for two months. Came home to this growing out of the cabinet under the bathroom sink.

Was out of town for two months. Came home to this growing out of the cabinet under the bathroom sink. submitted by bennetticles to MoldlyInteresting [link] [comments]


2021.10.18 15:15 cysec_ ThinkingCrypto interviewed W. Sean Ford, Chief Operating Officer at Algorand

ThinkingCrypto interviewed W. Sean Ford, Chief Operating Officer at Algorand submitted by cysec_ to algorand [link] [comments]


2021.10.18 15:15 Full_Inside_5509 2 Flushes from these (ripped some out,cause of discolouration I think?) had to put them away for about 2 months in my dark closet, they stayed humid in there the whole time as water was on side and lid. My question is if I soak these for afew hours do you think They’ll pin?Everything smells mushie..

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2021.10.18 15:15 dreamer_boy_ What is the heaviest item/object in terraria?

I'm trying to settle a debate. What is the heaviest item in terraria? Also, does Terraria support NBT functions, like in minecraft? Thanks :)
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2021.10.18 15:15 IAmAModBot I’m CEO of Ocado Technology. Our advanced robotics and AI assembles, picks, packs and will one day deliver your groceries! Ask me anything! - [CrossPost]

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2021.10.18 15:15 Math4all- You just think lovely wonderful thoughts,and they lift you up in the air. "Peter Pan"

submitted by Math4all- to quotes [link] [comments]


2021.10.18 15:15 KoldKhajiit Is it just me or is Sonir (The Bard at Windstad Manor) just terrible?

Okay so I'm someone who normally buys lakeview. But my most recent playthrough I'm trying to own and fully furnish every house... anyways I'm using the alchemy tower at Windstad and the bard starts playing Ragnar the Red, one of my Favorites, and she is just butchering it. Its like the voice actor got shit faced before recording that part of the game. Is she the only bard thats like this? Are there other bards I can get if she dies?
submitted by KoldKhajiit to skyrim [link] [comments]


2021.10.18 15:15 Adorable_Signature68 [Question] Vanced Lags when you unlock the phone or from switching apps

[Question] Vanced Lags when you unlock the phone or from switching apps submitted by Adorable_Signature68 to Vanced [link] [comments]


2021.10.18 15:15 Awesome_ShowOff Coach John Harbaugh on how important the win over the Chargers is: "I don't think it says anything long-term. It just says that we had a really good day today, and we played the way we needed to play in this game today."

submitted by Awesome_ShowOff to ravens [link] [comments]


2021.10.18 15:15 mitchyt0722 Can someone tell me how this bad hit when Geno Smith had -1 rushing yards?

Can someone tell me how this bad hit when Geno Smith had -1 rushing yards? submitted by mitchyt0722 to sportsbetting [link] [comments]


2021.10.18 15:15 thej5051 Hello everyone

Hi, I really did not want to end up this bad to have to ask people. But we a family of 3 have run out of food completely. If its possible we could do with some help.. £thej5051 Thank you.
submitted by thej5051 to CashAppDonations [link] [comments]


2021.10.18 15:15 Jan_Prince 8 Excellent Python Courses on Udemy (2021)

8 Excellent Python Courses on Udemy (2021) submitted by Jan_Prince to Python [link] [comments]


2021.10.18 15:15 Ray_ofLight Which minor character(s) deserves better recognition?

Most everyone knows the Three Brothers, Zhao Yun, Zhuge Liang, Ma Chao, Jiang Wei, Liu Chan, and other Shu Han-related characters, Cao Cao, and officers supporting him, like the Xiahous, Dian Wei, Xu Zhu, Guo Jia, and other Cao Wei-related characters, the Sun Family and their well-known officers like Zhou Yu, Lu Meng, Lu Xun, and other Sun Wu-related characters, then there are other non-Three Kingdoms characters like Zhang Jue, Dong Zhuo, Lu Bu, Yuan Shao, Gongsun Zan, Yuan Shu, Liu Biao, Meng Huo, and lastly, Sima Jin characters, most notably the patriarch Sima Yi.
There are others who play a more minor role but otherwise vital for the progression of the narrative. Who do you think deserves to be known by more people?
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2021.10.18 15:15 5_Frog_Margin 🔥 A colony of Garden Eels, one of the smallest species of eels.

🔥 A colony of Garden Eels, one of the smallest species of eels. submitted by 5_Frog_Margin to NatureIsFuckingLit [link] [comments]


2021.10.18 15:15 Catilus [OC] [ART] Ashe Colbray, Human Gunslinger – by Catilus

[OC] [ART] Ashe Colbray, Human Gunslinger – by Catilus submitted by Catilus to drawing [link] [comments]


2021.10.18 15:15 jakeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Canceling crafting does not refund players

Hi all,
This is a fix I've been meaning to tackle forever it just got put to the side due to work. Sometimes (not every time either) when a player on my server cancels a craft in their queue they do not receive their resources back. I have a feeling there has to be a disagreement between plugins or something so I'll list the plugins currently running on the server below just in case. If anyone has a solution to this or even has the time to try and help I would greatly appreciate it!
Thanks,
Jake
Plugins:
SecureAdmin ServerInfo Skins SkipNightUI SmoothRestart StackSizeController TimeOfDay UFilter Vanish WipeProtection AdminHammer AdminRadar AntiItems BetterChat BGrade DiscordCallAdmin DiscordChat DiscordCore DiscordStatus DontTargetMe EnhancedBanSystem FurnaceSplitter GatherManager ImageLibrary InfiniteAmmo InfoPanel JoinMessagePlus MasterKey NoDecay NoEscape NTeleportation PlayerRankings PlaytimeTracker PopupNotifications PowerlessTurrets QuickSmelt QuickSort RemoverTool
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2021.10.18 15:15 green_pachi OP (F26) asks for advice to extricate herself from her toxic relationship with her BF (M35)

Repost, I'm not the original poster.
Original by u/narcissismftl:
I don't even know where to begin. I am so heartbroken, yet numb at the same time. I have been with J for over a year now. We moved really quickly & lived pretty far apart. We were originally talking about him coming to live with me, but a window opened up for me & I was able to leave & start anew or stay where I was & be apart from J for an undetermined amount of time. I decided to go for it. I am a romantic at heart & the whole situation was very exciting. But we all know where this is going. Sorry, this is a really long one.
I am definitely no angel. Things were really good for the first few months but pretty much ever since then we fight & argue pretty consistently. I am a very affectionate, emotional, & invested person when it comes to relationships. He is very solitary & very much enjoys being alone. He hadn't had a serious relationship in quite some time before he & I started dating so I was able to be somewhat understanding. But if we were ever to get into a really bad argument, it was just me, on my own, trying to figure out how to pick up the pieces & be okay again. There's really too much that's happened to pin point anything in particular, but for a while now he has just been incredibly cold to me whenever we disagree. He is very proud & stubborn as well, so he rarely ever backs down, even if he knows he is wrong. He has a very hard time apologizing or even acknowledging & validating my feelings. The biggest WTF about all of that is that he is a social worker who's been in the field for quite a few years. He understands my needs & what hurts me. He understands the importance of validating someone's feelings even if you don't see eye to eye. He understands everything that we should be doing but everything is all so fucked up. In addition, over the course of the past year he also has turned more & more to alcohol. And when he's drinking, his antics are taken to the extreme. Before I moved here I didn't really think he drank all that much. He never did when we visited each other, but I know sometimes he drank wine to help him sleep. Now he drinks at least a bottle or more a night. Sometimes he will buy liquor & has gone through 3/4 to an entire bottle of whiskey in one night, the most recent time being about a week ago. It floors me & breaks my heart every time. I grew up with an alcoholic mother, who still has not stopped drinking, & so it kills me & triggers me, bringing back feelings of abandonment & all of that because I was on my own a lot when I was younger. I've shared all of this with him. He knows. Nothing ever changes.
The worst part to me is that when he is angry at me he says the meanest & most hateful things he can say to hurt me. He will look me right in the eye & try to break me. He doesn't flinch when I cry. If anything I repulse him when I show any emotion. But when it comes to apologizing or talking about his feelings he can barely look at me. He has no idea how badly the things he says hurts me & I don't think he believes me when I try to explain it. He always thinks I'm being too sensitive or irrational. I am sensitive, but he's also very insensitive. I know that I nag him too much & make an issue out of things that I should just let go. I am hard to deal with myself. I just can't rationalize being intentionally hurtful & doing the things he does. I've never wanted to hurt him or cause him pain. I love him so much & I wish that mattered to him.
This past weekend was a nightmare. This past week alone he has chosen to sleep on the couch 4-5 times. On Friday, he barely spoke to me while we both were at work. I texted him about my day throughout the day. Nothing. I called him on my way home. He actually answered but sounded like a robot the entire time we were on the phone. He did not want to talk to me & told me he didn't text me throughout the day because he was busy. Right. I get home & he still seems indifferent. It hurts. I know he needs his space a lot & I have been bad about not respecting that. But that day I told him that I would stay upstairs if he wanted to be alone. And that's what we did. Then later he left to get dinner. Came back. Still more of the same. Finally at 9pm, after being ignored for an entire day, I broke down. I was sobbing, asking him what I did & why he was giving me the could shoulder. He said he just wanted to relax. That was his only reason. And he said that he couldn't relax with me. He still didn't want to talk to me, didn't care that I was upset. He just wanted to "relax."
I can understand what he's saying but how he goes about this is all wrong & it's always the same. He never gives me a chance. He gives me the cold shoulder & when I protest he's even more distant. Eventually he will stop talking altogether. He will just sit there, stone-faced, looking at me while I cry, while I plead with him to talk to me, to stop being so cold. If we're in bed, he will just pretend that he's asleep. He won't move or respond at all. It's really immature & really hurtful & he does this several times a week. He just shuts down & has no remorse. For me, it's completely frustrating & mentally taxing. It feels like he's torturing me. I hate being ignored & most of the time I don't understand why I'm being ignored & I'm left to deal with it on my own. Friday was no different. I went to sleep crying while he was laying next to me. The next morning he actually talked to me a little, but he was pissed at me. I was pissed, sad, heartbroken, frustrated. And I felt like I wasn't being heard. That's how I usually feel. He seemed a little more receptive to me, but I kept wondering whether any of it was genuine. For the past month or so I've really started to feel like nothing he says is the truth. When he says he loves me, cares about me, things like that. It always feels like he's forcing himself to say it.
Saturday I was a wreck. At that point I just kept reliving all the other nights like that we've had, where I've been upset & crying & had no one to talk to. I have friends back home who I talk to from time to time but they're sick of hearing about it. They are always open to me but I feel embarrassed & stupid telling them about the same things over & over again. I was in bed practically all day. I didn't really eat or get up other than to use the bathroom. He laid with me for a while that morning. He did stay with me for a while, which I found surprising. Eventually he left to take the dogs to the dog park & I went to sleep. When he got back, he wanted me to get up & get ready so he could take me to dinner. I was not feeling up to it. He seemed disappointed but he kept trying. He eventually made dinner for us both, which was nice. I couldn't shake all the negative feelings that I had, though. I was trying to be myself with him & enjoy the moment but I kept thinking of all the other negative shit that always outweighs moments like that.
He can be a really sweet guy. He has done a lot for me & I know that he does try to be what I need some of the time. His problem is that he can be extremely selfish & cold, to the point where I feel it's downright cruel. He also concerns himself more with winning. He views our arguments or disagreements as a challenge. If he backs down, whether he's wrong or not being a good person, he loses & he doesn't lose. While I do things of my own that piss him off, I couldn't do the things that he does. To me it feels like psychological torture & I beg him to stop but get nowhere.
Saturday ended on ok terms. Sunday, yesterday, was actually a lot better. I was feeling more motivated & wanted to get out & do something with him, to feel closer to him. We ended up just staying at home most of the day, watching football with his brother, & cleaning house, which is what we typically do on Sundays. It was nice. Things seemed more normal. Later we went to the dog park together & we usually talk there. We talked about the past couple of days & what the hell was happening & going wrong. I told him that I know I need to stop nagging him so much & let him just be sometimes. I told him that I cannot handle when he straight up ignores me & lets me sit there & cry. I told him that I thought it was cruel & felt inhumane & like he was punishing me. We aired everything out but it's everything we've said to each other before. This entire weekend I had been questioning openly whether we were right for each other. I mean at this point I think it's obvious that shit isn't working. And he was actually the one to argue that. He always argues with me, even with how I feel, but it's usually not in favor of something positive. He said that he thinks we can be right for each other & have a lot in common & thinks that we both could just try a lot harder. I told him that I've always been willing to try & that he is the one who eventually turns & makes me feel alone. I told him that if that's how he was going to continue making me feel then I'd rather just actually be alone. It's so much worse having someone you love physically with you but still feeling completely isolated & alone. Again, all stuff we've talked about. He seemed apologetic & willing to work on it & willing to stop the selfish antics.
Of course I want to believe him. That is my problem. I always feel like he's finally going to choose love over his own pride & ego. But in the end it never happens that way. After the dog park I was feeling a lot better. We came home, I made dinner, & we watched a movie. We cuddled & behaved like a normal couple at last. Then when we were going to bed everything changed. We were laying in bed & talking about everything again. He was actually being open & receptive. It felt good. I felt like we were getting somewhere. Then out of the blue he asks me if I'll take him to the liquor store to get whiskey. By this point it was 10pm, which is when we're usually in bed, & he had several glasses of wine. He didn't feel comfortable driving but I was not going to drive him to get booze so that he could get drunk & belligerent on me. I said no but he kept asking. I told him that I was enjoying just laying there with him & talking & that that was enough for me. I told him that it hurt that he didn't want to just stay with me for one night. That us talking & being together & normal wasn't good enough. He still just wanted to "take the edge off." Again, I'm hurt. Eventually he got up & decides he's going to drive himself. I kept asking him to please not go, please just stay with me & talk. Please just let being with me be enough for tonight. He acts all calm & says that everything is fine. He says that he does like talking to me & wants to keep doing that but just wants to drink a little more. I kept begging him not to leave. He just kissed me on the head & said he'd be right back. He left. I started crying. It snowed a LOT last night so I would have been surprised if he actually decided to drive in that. After 15 minutes he hadn't come back upstairs, so I went downstairs & there he was. He was just sitting on the couch watching tv. Apparently he decided to just walk to the bar next door & get a growler. I asked what he was doing. He was just relaxing again. I asked why he didn't come back upstairs & he just shrugged. He said he just wanted to relax & didn't want to deal with "this." I was obviously upset again because again we just took several steps back from where I thought we were & the understanding I thought we had.
Eventually he comes upstairs & I ask him why he's being the way he is. He gives me one word responses. He doesn't comfort me & barely looks at me. He gets in bed fully clothed. He obviously doesn't plan on staying. I'm trying to talk to him but eventually he just stops responding. He just lays there & looks at me, nothing behind his eyes. I eventually give up & just start sobbing. When I look back to him he has his eyes closed & is going to sleep. I beg him to not do this again, to remember the things we talked about earlier, to not turn his back on me again. It doesn't matter. He doesn't stop. Eventually I told him I can't be around that & he can either stop or sleep downstairs. To my astonishment (don't know why I was surprised), he rises from his deep sleep & grabs a pillow before walking toward the door. I ask him again to please not do this, to listen to me, to look at me. He stops & turns to me but literally just stands there with his eyes closed & says nothing, does nothing. I shrivel back into bed & keep crying. He leaves. And that's that. I called my best friend right after because I felt like I was going fucking insane, that this could not actually be happening. She basically agrees that it's crazy, that she's observed how manipulative he's been with my feelings for a while & how I've been losing my sense of self worth. She was really pissed & worried. She was really awesome & eventually had me laughing. Even after we got off the phone she continued texting me throughout the night, trying to get me to think about something else.
I slept off & on but felt like I didn't sleep at all. I called in to work but I still haven't been able to sleep & don't know what to do. This morning he didn't say anything to me or do anything. I texted him after he left that he's literally the cruelest person I've ever met. And I do believe that. The little, fucked up things he does almost on a daily basis feels like psychological torture. I feel like I'm going crazy. He's making me feel like I'm the crazy one. All the while he doesn't seem to be bothered at all. We've gone back & forth like this for a while now. Eventually we'll make up. Eventually he'll start being sweet for a day or two, tell me how much I mean to him. And then it happens all over again.
I don't think I can do it anymore. I'm so miserable. I feel so incredibly unloved. I never done the things that he does to me nor have I seen or heard of anyone doing that to their partner. I just don't get it & have this overwhelming sense of regret for not understanding any of it. I can't fathom how he can be like this to someone he loves. I know that he is jaded & has been emotionally fucked in the past. I mean, who hasn't? He was previously married for about five years & according to his best friend his ex wife used to do the same manipulative, psychological things to him. But I still don't get it, how someone can be so cruel. I feel so many things. I wish I could help him. I want him to see that he doesn't have to be alone & that he can be happy with someone. That he can have love without the fear. I've tried to let him know so many times that I would never intentionally hurt him or turn my back on him. I've always been completely open to him & loyal. He knows that. But it doesn't make a difference. He can't, or won't, be that for me. And in the mean time he's fucking with my emotions so badly I'm starting to lose myself.
It's really hard. I moved to be with him. He's the only "friend" I have out here. But as it turns out he's not my friend at all. He doesn't have my back or my best interests at heart. I really want to pack all my shit in my car & just drive back home. It would be three days of driving but I feel like it might be worth it if I can figure logistics & save some money to afford it. The thought of completely starting over & running home at this stage in my life is so defeating, but it would probably be such a relief to be around my real friends & my family again. My friend was begging me to come home. I still don't know what to do. Deep down I still want to love this man. I want him to wake up & realize what he's creating, for himself mostly. But that's not going to happen unless he wants to see it. I'm so heartbroken.
Right now I'm just at home reeling. I've cried so much over the past few months I'm sick of it. I just feel empty & have an overwhelming sense of unease & of not knowing what the hell to do anymore. Thus far nothing I do and/or say matters to this person who matters so much to me.
I would love any advice or any insight, especially if you have experience with this or know any narcissists. I don't throw that term around lightly. The last thing I want to believe is that he is truly this way, but his words & actions have contradicted one too many times & overall the things that he does make me feel completely unloved. I've never felt so small & insignificant to someone I care so much about. And I've never heard of someone who loves you just not reacting or having any feelings about it when you actually tell them these things. He doesn't seem human to me sometimes. He doesn't care. I can't stop caring. I need to get away from here.
Edit:
I sent him this email a little earlier. It reads kinda like a breakup email, but I honestly have no earthly idea how I'm going to be able to ignore him or sleep next to him. This sucks.
"I love you. You know that, but I'm not sure that you understand it or know what it means. I think that you are worth loving & that you deserve love. But you don't feel it yourself. I wanted so badly to believe the wonderful things you've said throughout our relationship & your claims of devotion to me. But what it boils down to for you, & everyone, is that actions define character, not words. There have been too many contradictions for me. So many that I feel like I must be going insane rather than this actually being my life & my relationship. I am emotional & hard to deal with, but I've been true to myself & true to you. I've been loyal. I've tried to be good to you. But I don't deserve the things I've had to deal with solely because of you. I wish you knew how to truly love someone. I wish that someone had shown you how. I wish you wanted to help yourself, but I know you'd rather be alone than to ask for anyone's help. I wanted to help you. I tried. You don't want it. You don't love me. You never did. And I know this is just another version of the same story for you. I really hope you can find love one day, especially within yourself. You owe it to yourself to try to find that."
Update:
I didn't get many comments on my original post, but the comments that I did receive were so insightful, helpful, & caring. Thank you so much to every person who provided input & took the time to reach out. I didn't take you up on your PM offers, but I did finally leave. I have been rereading it all to convince myself I did the right thing.
I finally left. I did what I had been fantasizing about for months. I packed ALL of my things in boxes & tubs, filled up my SUV, & drove two 12-hour days back home. I always said I never wanted to come back home, never wanted to live here, & I don't really think it's a great place to live. But I knew I needed love back in my life.
Leaving was really hard. My ex & I had a really bad fight one Friday night. I was drunk & woke him up to antagonize him. Not my finest hour but I wanted to annoy him after weeks of him tormenting me with his indifference. But the next morning he requested that I leave. I was in shock & I was hurt. I apologized all day. Cried all day. All you can imagine. After two days of mostly being in bed, I decided I should go. My heart didn't want to leave but I genuinely felt unwanted. I felt like a stranger in my "home" for months by that point. And now my best friend told me to leave. So I gathered my things on a Sunday, told my ex on Monday that I was going to leave, & took off on Tuesday. When Tuesday came, he woke up & got ready for work like everything was peachy. Didn't really say anything to me. Wanted to give me advice on my route. That was about it. I was pretty fucking hurt by that. I called him at work & he just got pissed. Had nothing to say to me, nothing of significance. So I called my best friend sobbing after I left that morning.
Halfway into my day of driving, the ex emails me, asking if I actually left. I was in total disbelief at that stupid question but I answered. He then starts complaining about, "Well if you hadn't done this that night, I wouldn't have gotten mad. I wouldn't have told you to leave..." & we just went back in forth. Then he called me, crying. We had a pretty cathartic heart to heart. Talked for about two hours. Got everything out. He kept telling me to turn around, to come back "home." More of the same the next day I was driving. All throughout the next week he would send me good morning texts, very loving messages throughout the day. He told me that he was going to come to me during spring break (he works at a school) & bring me back "home." We talked about so many things the day & up to a week after I left. He said he wanted to go to counseling, he actually apologized for his behavior, he listened to me, said he wanted to do everything to make our relationship work & to get me back. Even said he would get me a promise ring. All of these things I had been dying for when we were actually together. Then one day he tells me he would like some space, to clear his head, a couple of days. So I give him that. Right before this break, he says that no matter what happens he will still fly down here to talk in person, whether we stay together or not. Both of our families live in the same area, so it wouldn't be a total waste if things didn't go well with us. Two days go by, I haven't heard from him. I caved & texted him, just that I miss him. I get no response. And pretty much from then (a week or more ago) until now, we haven't actually talked. He finally responded to some of my emails, one night when he got drunk, told me that after thinking about everything he was mad at me again. Told me he needed more time. By this point I'm pretty much back to where I was when we were breaking up. Hurt, angry, confused, lost. I felt like he just slipped through my fingers.
4 or 5 days ago I sent him a pretty long email, basically telling him in an eloquent way that his behavior is bullshit & that I'm not going to keep waiting on him & putting my life & happiness on hold while he decides whether or not I'm worth anything to him after all. I got no response to that & I haven't heard from him since. Up until a couple of days ago, I was pretty sad & lethargic. My family & friends have been wonderful. I haven't been struggling other than emotionally. But I felt like my life was taken away from me. The worst part is that I had no control or say in the matter. I just felt wrecked, dejected. But 2 or 3 days ago I finally woke up I think. I started to just get fucking pissed. Pissed at this 35-year-old man-child who at least owes me a proper breakup via phone but can't seem to muster the will. I told him that whether we broke up or not, I at least wanted to have a conversation about it, closure. But apparently I don't even deserve that. I want to email him again & just tear into him, tell him what a piece of shit he is. But even though I'm really bitter I don't have it in me to be that venomous. And I know it wouldn't matter. In my final email I did leave my ex with a pretty stellar quote that I found in this subreddit. It hit me hard & has stuck with me.
"Most of my life has been spent trying to shrink myself. Trying to become smaller. Quieter. Less sensitive. Less opinionated. Less needy. Less me. Because I didn’t want to be a burden. I didn’t want to be too much or push people away. I wanted people to like me. I wanted to be cared for and valued. I wanted to be wanted. So for years, I sacrificed myself for the sake of making other people happy. And for years, I suffered. But I’m tired of suffering, and I’m done shrinking. It’s not my job to change who I am in order to become someone else’s idea of a worthwhile human being. I am worthwhile. Not because other people think I am, but because I exist, and therefore I matter. My thoughts matter. My feelings matter. My voice matters. And with or without anyone’s permission or approval, I will continue to be who I am and speak my truth. Even if it makes people angry. Even if it makes them uncomfortable. Even if they choose to leave. I refuse to shrink. I choose to take up space. I choose to honor my feelings. I choose to give myself permission to get my needs met. I choose to make self-care a priority. I choose me."
I told him that I'm choosing me, so he doesn't have to.
I now realize that I definitely made the right choice. He feels so far away now & my life with him already seems foreign to me. I realize how unlike ME I had become over my time with him. I became more withdrawn, isolated. With him, I felt things I hadn't felt since childhood, like abandonment, always feeling inadequate & condescended to, & always like I was left to deal with everything on my own, especially the problems in the relationship. I know that he wasn't responsible for my feelings. I didn't look to him for any answers, just for love & acceptance. But after such a long period of feeling isolated & alone my self esteem was completely gone. I just felt like a disappointment every day. I've started acting more & more like my normal self lately. Seeing old friends has definitely helped with that. Sadly, I'm honestly unsure whether or not my ex every really loved me. And I'm furious that I will probably never see or hear from him again. But I know I deserve SO much better than that. Most people deserve better than this bullshit ending. I am scared of being so bitter & carrying this resentment & anger for a long time. I know it's not healthy but I'm not sure what to do about it at this moment in time. For now I've been trying to just not worry so much about things I can't control. I've been trying to have fun & get my life back on track, start living for myself again. I'm embarrassed to be this age & feel like I'm restarting, having centered my life around a relationship so enormously. But I know I'm fortunate in a lot of ways & need to stop being fucking sad all the time.
I don't know what my life is going to look like a month from now, but for the moment I'm just going to go with the confusion & try to have as much fun as possible with my friends who have stuck by my side.
Any advice you have would be awesome!
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2021.10.18 15:15 pioneerlegend a little friend

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2021.10.18 15:15 Unskilledkids Get Ready Kids!

I will purposely Prove my point and run amok with silencer today even after a stream. Will use any gun available to me. Starting out Fresh again!
Look out For! YouThinkYourGood LOL
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2021.10.18 15:15 intothewitchvoid So Relatable

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2021.10.18 15:15 ThePopeJones Care for some drink kids?

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